Investigative Report: Grass in New Prague


Over this summer, Cale Emerson and I, Sullivan Hart, did what many weren’t brave enough to do, give the unbiased truth on New Prague’s grass. At each location, we committed to giving a holistic look at something many take for granted — the ground. Each location was given a brief summary, a quote from my co-writer, and a numerical rating. 

New Prague Golf Course

Score: 4.5/10

The New Prague Golf Course gets an A for effort. B for everything else. Although there was clear attention to detail, no amount of attention can make up for a certain “it” factor that some grass has. The golf course grass does not have that “it” factor. We both arrived at the golf course with high hopes and left disappointed. At the end of our visit, Cale Emerson exclaimed, “Can we go yet?”

Golf Course (Subset: Sand Pits)

Score: 0/10

No grass was found in the sand traps at the Golf Course.  This lack of grass caused Cale Emerson to say, “Ew.” 



Trojan Hill

Score: 8/10

Trojan Hill was an escape from New Prague. When on top of Trojan Hill, one feels above all else — or at least above all else in our snippet of Scott County. The grass was long, fluffy, and home to a diversity that can be found nowhere else in New Prague. Despite the grass successfully stealing both our pens, this grass is among the best in New Prague. Cale Emerson’s concern was, “If I died here, no one would find me.”

Living Lab

Score: 6/10

The Living Lab was home to an exceptional amount of goose poop, but at least it could make up for it. The Living Lab was home to mediocre grass but exceptional ground; the earth was bouncy and surprisingly lively for being dirt. Cale Emerson’s response was, “This is so fun!” 

Trojan Stadium

Score: -3/10

The turf at Trojan Stadium is an insult to all other grass. The ease this grass feels throughout its life is a mockery to grass that has fought to grow. I struggle to find any words besides sad and lonely to describe this grass because that’s how it made me feel deep inside.  Cale Emerson said, “Fake grass.”