Aries (Ram): March 21–April 19: The government will betray your trust, be careful.

Taurus (Bull): April 20–May 20: Watch out for rocks, they will fall when you least expect it.

Gemini (Twins): May 21–June 21: You will see the love of your life at Lau’s Bakery.

Cancer (Crab): June 22–July 22: Spend some time in a body of water; you will reach an epiphany about your role in the universe. 

Leo (Lion): July 23–August 22: Cut down a tree for a month of good luck.

Virgo (Virgin): August 23–September 22: Avoid using public bathrooms at all costs. 

Libra (Balance): September 23–October 23: You will play Wii Sports in the near future.

Scorpio (Scorpious): October 24–November 21: You will go to the moon in the next century.

Sagittarius (Archer): November 22–December 21: Drink lots of pineapple juice.

Capricorn (Goat): December 22–January 19: Spend some time looking at the sky.

Aquarius (Water Bearer): January 20–February 18: You will be lied to; be careful about what you believe.

Pisces (Fish): February 19–March 20: Don’t be overly attached to your hair color, it will be detrimental to you.