Bathrooms – we don’t need them!

Bathrooms - we dont need them!

Mikkal Hvidsten, Writer

(This editorial was inspired by the actions of some NPHS students vandalizing the school bathrooms by doing such things as removing stall doors, breaking mirrors and breaking toilets.)

For the first time in a long time, students and staff at New Prague High School are finally free. No longer are we bound by the societal norms of privacy while… um… poopin’? Some brave and bright-minded students have taken it upon themselves to finally break through the boundaries we have set for ourselves. Students have gone so far as to call this the “New Era of NPHS!” Other students have agreed, saying, “We finally are returning to our primal roots,” which leads to the question… What else can we do? We are clearly hungry for this newfound freedom. 

First, we are starting by breaking free from the walls that have contained us, literally. We no longer should have these so-called boundaries in our bathrooms. In nature, do you think the wild deer and… other animals have this constricting privacy? Clearly not, unless there is something I do not know, which is unlikely. Stall doors support Gen Z and its agenda to be completely disassociated with each other and not form real relationships. We can’t hide from our peers forever; it is only a matter of time before we get what we actually need. So to this, I suggest we purify our bathroom of stall doors. This might stir the pot a bit, but to put it into perspective, we have a turf war between those who say “No stall door for me! Nope! I don’t want them!” and the side of “Wait… are you seriously asking me if I want PRIVACY IN A BATHROOM???”  I sincerely hope for the best of this upcoming generation to shine through in this time of need. Everyone, stand up to stall doors. They are impeding our basic right to freedom. 

When thinking of our freedom, we often have to reflect back on our past and see what we have had to endure to get where we are today. To this, I propose a new light be shined on a completely new idea. Mirrors, a symbol of conceitedness, sneakily force us to face ourselves – doesn’t that sound terrible?! Why would we require them? They make us think about the traumatic past of when we didn’t have freedom by constricting us with those dank stall doors and these mirrors. It is a cruel and intentional decision to place those reminders of our dark past right in the same place as our once free space. No longer will we have to look back. Today, I suggest we start something new, bold, and even a little crazy. We will no longer stand for mirrors – if that’s what they are even called (I like to call them funky windows). Take down the mirrors for the sake of not only New Prague students and staff, but for the nation as a whole.

If you’re a fellow patriot like me, you’ll see the benefits to what I am about to say next. Toilets are ruining America. They are! Think of one time when you’ve gone into a bathroom and said “Wow this toilet seat looks spotless! I am the most willing I have ever been to rest on this disease-filled porcelain devil!” I can guarantee you have never said that. Toilets are filled with germs, which are bad. They inspire fear of public excrement, and without them, people would no longer need to wait till they get home to do their business. Now I know what you’re thinking, and once I answer it, you’ll feel dumb because the answer is so simple. Instead of using toilets, we can use the ground! Bring it back to our animalistic ways.