Making a leaf pile 101

Mikkal Hvidsten, Editor

While in the fall, to truly appreciate nature’s most beautiful time of year, you have to partake in fall activities. These activities range anywhere from getting in the spooky spirit of Halloween to getting together your appropriate fall outfits with colors matching accordingly. But my argument in this article is that what you all need to be doing this lovely season is making a big ol’ pile of leaves. Rake ’em up in your very own yard! This process, although very fun, is incredibly intricate. So, allow me to guide you through this rewarding process with a step-by-step tutorial on how to build the best leaf pile. 

First off, you have to find a good area with plenty of leaves to rake up. But you can’t find any simple, plain leaf to pile up and jump in, oh no. You have to find some good leaves to pile up. There are plenty of different factors that determine a good leaf. These factors include the color, the shape, and, of course, the crunch. The crunch factor is the most important in making a leaf pile. The sound those leaves make when you jump must be immaculate: the experience of the century. So when you’re raking up leaves, get those crappy, soggy leaves out of there. No one wants you here soggy leaves. GET OUT SOGGY LEAVES!!!

Submitted Photo

Moving on, it’s important to get a buddy to help you out. The age-old question, ‘If a tree falls in the middle of the woods and no one is there to hear it, did it really make a noise?’ stands. If you jump in a pile of leaves with no one there to record or jump with, did you even have that much fun? So before or after raking up those crunchy, colorful, geometrically correct leaves, grab a friend to have some fun with you. Or don’t. I don’t care, you’ll just have an unfulfilling experience if you don’t share it.

After you have raked the leaves and got a buddy to help you out, you have to perfect the jump into the pile. Now I don’t want to bore you with all the physics and calculations put into the jump, so I won’t get into it. (This is definitely not because I don’t understand it and really have made no mathematical criteria to calculate this jump. I definitely know what I am talking about.) To get your use out of this beautiful pile you constructed, you need to follow these instructions carefully. First, you bend your knees and straighten your back to get into the ready stance. Next, you let the energy flow through your knees like a runner in the last mile of a race and leap into the air. While in the air, curl up into a small little ball with feet aiming at the ground. This is important. If your head is facing the ground, you could be facing a great injury, and make your face more messed up than it already is (BOOM, I roasted you hard). Then you stick the landing – beauty, grace… and more beauty. It all comes together and you’re left with a sense of fulfillment, appreciation for the weather you have, and looking sick. 

This is why building a leaf pile is the best fall activity. You created something incredible. You created it. It’s an amazing thing you did. Be proud of yourself,  and be proud you have lived in the moment. And lastly, thank me, I am amazing, I did this too, thank me. Please.